COMMUNICATION FOR THE MARRIED (LOVE SCHOOL)

Communication is a two-way street. It must come from both parties to make it effective. It is a function of deliberate resolve to listen to the other party and try to see things from their perspective. You may not necessarily agree with them. But communication is hearing them out and presenting your own angle as well. Remember that 6 and 9 are both correct, depending on which side you’re viewing it from.

Communication is not a war. Sometimes, you will discover that even though you’ve believed something all your life, you might be wrong and your spouse right.

If you don’t let it out through your mouth, how will your spouse know what you’re thinking about? How will they know if you’re angry at them? It is better to talk about it than frown about it.

Before marriage, we encourage young people to talk to each other. Unfortunately, after marriage, we take a lot of things for granted. We’re not ready to push to talk perhaps because we don’t want an argument. We just sit back, frown, sulk, throw tantrums etc.

Marriage is a lifelong institution. It is a school. Your spouse is your colleague or co-student. Fancy being in a school and not interacting with anybody, especially when interaction carries the highest points! We must talk about it, whether we feel like it or not; whether the other party likes talking or not. It is worse not to talk about it.

Spouses change. It may be due to a new lifestyle, new challenges, move to a new location, starting a new job, or just a change in the state of their minds. The declaration: “I am the Lord, I change not” is for God alone. So don’t be surprised when your boyfriend of yesterday acts strangely or reacts differently to issues. He can’t be the same forever else he’ll be a monument. Likewise don’t be surprised when your once bubbly girlfriend becomes a different person. The responsibilities of marriage may have taken a toll on her mind. You know, before you got married, she didn’t need to think much about certain things. She picked the restaurants you went to, the fun places you visited, the movies you watched…but now, she has RESPONSIBILITY. Yes. Meals to prepare, laundry to do, puke to clean up, poo to wipe off…. It will be unfair to judge him or her with who they were before marriage. What we should be doing is talk about it. That is communication.

I hope we work on it. Take time out and spend time talking with your other half. Don’t get tired of working on it. Ask them (gently please) why they acted the way they did. Throw up strange behavior when you notice it. But be ready to accept your own faults too because you may be responsible for their changing behavior! Your spouse might be reacting to something you have done.

Don’t give up on communication. Over time you will reap the reward. It won’t be a smooth ride from day one and it will require equal commitment from both husband and wife. But in the end, communication will win.

Mike.

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