I hope we learnt a few things from yesterday’s post about friendship. Today, we’ll talk a little more on friendship. What better experience to share than mine! At least, it’s original to me.

I was in my final year in school. Exams were over and i was just tidying up on my project. I was the lead vocalist in my music group back then. One Sunday, we performed a piece in church. The song was dear to me as I had written it. After church, a girl walked up to me and introduced herself to me. “Hi, my name is Mimi (Not her real name), the very pretty girl said as she held out her hand for a handshake. I was surprised and disarmed by her calm disposition and charm. We talked for a few minutes (every other important meeting waits for a pretty girl) and I asked her to ensure she greeted me when next she came to church.

I was away for a while as I was preparing for my first book launch then, so I didn’t see her for a couple of weeks. We never met in church again until one day I bumped into her on campus. Once again, my heart stopped beating for a fraction of eternity. It’s amazing how these things happen. Your heart isn’t beating and you’re smiling sheepishly to a pretty girl. She apologized and gave an excuse I can’t remember now. She gave me her phone number and we parted. You can bet that phone number wouldn’t get missing even if it fell into a shark’s mouth. I’d have managed to get it out somehow, even without the paper getting wet!

Over the next couple of weeks, we talked about lots of things. She visited me several times. I really liked this girl. And to think this was the time when the average “Christian brother” was looking out for a relationship. She saw me as a friend, a big brother. She shared her pains with me. Her poems, her creativity. We would talk for hours and I wouldn’t want the visit to end. Even LG would envy me. Life was Good.

Eventually I was done with school and had to leave so I sought ways to share my heart with her. How I felt she was the one I loved, bla bla bla. That was when our friendship began to deteriorate….

She began avoiding me, she started ignoring my calls. I had lost a friend. Well, we didn’t eventually get to marry (obviously) but when I look back today, I felt I could have handled it better. I feel there were other things God wanted me to accomplish in her which I lost sight of due to personal ambition. Not every friend is meant to become a lover.

We have put ourselves in a box. So when you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you feel you are not normal. My dear, you look normal to me. We could muddle up valuable life relationships when we mistake them for love relationships.

Think about it. If you were to love every pretty girl you met, do you think you’ll still be sane? Unfortunately, many young men cut this not-so-sane picture to me. Girl, if every young man was prince charming and he had to be your lover boy, do you think your members will still be intact? We get distracted and lose out eventually when we try to capture love at all cost at the expense of friendship.

What to do? Don’t make the mistake I made. Critically analyze these relationships with the opposite sex. A lot of them will be beneficial later in life. Avoid putting yourself up for vulnerability, though. Note that some relationships are better cancelled for life. Let wisdom direct you.

Have you had an experience similar to mine?
Would you like to share it? Please do.
What do you think you could have done differently?
Are there other lessons you learnt from my story?
How do we know when not to press for a love relationship?

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