Yesterday, Chinyere emphasized the importance of communication in any relationship. You need to understand that the length of time you have spent a relationship does not necessarily translate to its success. What that means is that the fact that you have spent 5 years in a relationship does not mean you know your partner like your friend who is just a year on.
Have you been talking? Have you been listening? Remember that talking alone is not relationship. You must learn to listen too. If you are always right and your word is Law, it means one of two things. Either the people around you are completely stupid or they just want to let you be. Don’t underestimate the power of communication.
You need to learn to express your feelings. Speak out else you might bottle up hurts over time. This can result in an implosion which could have negative effect on the relationship. Smetimes the other party is not willing to talk. Enjoy each other’s company instead and you do the talking that day instead of filling the whole day’s conversation with: “Why are you not talking?” Is he or She a parrot?
What do you talk about? Talk about your future. Talk about everything you could ever imagine. If you are just getting to know each other, I don’t expect you to ask how many children she will have for you. You have not even proposed! But when you are certain you want to spend the rest of your lives together, you need to dig deep.
Talk about your families. You need to ask questions. Is there any recurrent ailment in the family line? Find out the history of your in-laws to be. What is the past of your spouse? The past is gone, some people say. Yet sometimes it comes back to haunt our future if not properly handled. You need to face it really. If the truth is found out in the future, it could have devastating consequences. Has she/he had other relationships? What led to the break-up? It’s important because it might equally lead to your break-up too.
What are your likes/dislikes? What about kids? How many would you want to have? Who should stay with us when we get married? How do we treat in-laws from both sides? How do we spend money? You can develop your own list. In asking these questions, you don’t need to act like an investigator trying to uncover a massive fraud; It might make the other party uncomfortable. You might instead make a mental note of it and ask your friend the questions when the time and place are right for it.
In all, be very sensitive. Don’t hesitate to call off any relationship if you feel it will disrupt the future you have pictured. It’s better called off now than after four kids. That leaves in its wake regret, sorrow and pain. Remember too that many young lives will be affected then because of the wrong choice you are about to make now.
Don’t forget to talk about personality, the influence of friends and family on your marriage. Ask about their blood group, Genotype and general health status. Keep your eyes open for anything unusual.
A friend of mine years ago had had several abortions in a past relationship. She broke up with the guy because the relationship had become all sexual and no brains. Another young man was interested in her and kept pestering her for a relationship. One day, while they were discussing something else, she asked him if he can marry someone who has had several abortions. His reply was something like: “God Forbid!” She knew instantly that was not her man. Sometimes, you don’t even need to pray about certain things. The answer you get to a question might just be your prayer answered.
Let us have your comments and questions as usual. Then don’t forget to share.